I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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