she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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