that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
