12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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