fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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