You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
