I love black thongs
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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