i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
