Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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