Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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