After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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