I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
