It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
