Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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