I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
PS: I just woke up from my shower
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize
