thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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