Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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