i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
