i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
