At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
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