Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize