Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
