I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
