we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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