So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
