I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
