Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
