I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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