Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
