Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
