I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
