I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
