One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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