I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
