Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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