just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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