She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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