Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
