I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
