Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
