omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
