I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
