We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
