she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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