there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
