i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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