roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
