i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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