Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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