Where is the hickey?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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