its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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