We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
