I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
