i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
