I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
