So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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