How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
