she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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