My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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