Umm I'm too high to move.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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