I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
