Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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