I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
So much rum. So many feels.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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