Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
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