We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
