i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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